Tuesday, 6 September 2016

My not so secret shame: Survivor Recap ep.7

Episode 7. The boil...*insert grossed out face*

We start our ep in the Hufflepuff camp. All feeling little guilty after voting out Barry, he was pretty cool... Hot Sam and Connor are trying to just blend into the background, aware that they are probably next...well Connor is anyway...you would be stupid to vote out Hot Sam, you literally have no one really athletic on your tribe.

Does anyone else sing along to the theme tune? I do...and do a weird rock back and forth...like I'm being possessed by some tribal demon...

Over at Gryffindor, Nick is still bloody going on about being voted out. GET OVER IT!!! I am pretty sure he just killed the crab from the opening shot...so now he is a crab murderer... Add that to the list of things that bug me about him. Its funny because the whole tribe are basically using him as their personal slave, knowing he is trying to suck up to them by doing EVERYTHING... Tegan informs us of how safe she feels, having a good alliance with Brooke and Flick...silly, silly girl. Flick has alliances with the coconuts, as well as every living person on the island so don't consider yourself special.

Back at Hufflepuff, Anthony is trying to act super cool and get the two intruder boys on his side. Never trust a person who says, "Trust me," ESPECIALLY if he looks like Stanford from 'Sex and the City'. Kate then tries to grab onto Connor and Hot Sam. They are hot property all of a sudden. Next there will be an auction, winner gets to be their friends.

At Gryffindor, Nick informs us that Kylie is at the bottom of the tribe's cool list, sure mate...pretty sure you might be hanging around the bottom there. He is planning to create a split vote, hoping Kylie doesn't play the idol, then tribe would then somehow vote Kylie out...or something...I don't know, he wants to vote Kylie out. I can't be bothered writing out his exact plan. I feel bad for Kylie, I honestly think she is awesome, she is an absolute gun at challenges and she is the fittest member that Gryffindor. I'll be in an alliance with you Kylie! But I'm not on the show so... Apparently according to Tegan, being a model gives you a great skill set to be on 'Survivor'...what skill set would that be exactly? Like honestly? What would that be? What?

Over at Hufflepuff, Kate has discovered a pretty nasty boil on her armpit. Ouchy!! It looks pretty painful and those things can get quite serious if they aren't treated...or popped... God they are gross when they are popped. I'm dreading that bit already. Also, are Slytherin ok? We haven't seen them...have they been kidnapped? Just having a quiet one? Are they even on this show anymore?

The reward challenge: It's ok Slytherin are alive! I found them! Lets see me try and describe this challenge. So there are barrels right?... and some of the tribe members have to make their way across the course on the barrels... then the other members have to travel on the barrels as a group to the end of the course, ensuring no player touches the ground... they then need to throw sand bags on the barrels... Does that even make sense? There are barrels and sandbags...that's all you need to know. The winner gets a massive meal of Hungry Jacks! The tribe that comes Second gets a Junior Whopper and the losers...pretty much nothing. How much would you fight to the death for a cheeseburger at this point?! Argh, just watching the 45 product placements for 'Hungry Jacks' makes me want a burger and I ate normal food today, not beans and rice. Although the burgers would make you feel absolutely filthy after eating next to nothing for that long...so maybe the loser wins... All this rambling is to distract you from the whole race thats going on with the barrels and sandbags...how do you even properly narrate them? Anthony LaPaglia's brother struggles and he is actually there! To conclude...Gryffindor wins!! Hufflepuff come Second and Slytherin go hungry!

Gryffindor, enjoy those burgers! You would!! So, so much... I want one! Nick enjoys his a little bit too much and talks about his virginity and says the word "orgasmic" all in one sentence. I don't want a burger anymore thanks...

Slytherin are super bummed eating their rice and beans. Poor guys! Thats the most bland meal in the world. The worst part about this whole thing is that Lee gets really homesick and emotional...then he cries and hearts all over the world shatter into a million pieces...

The Immunity Challenge: This one is easier to explain. One member of each tribe is suspended over the water by a rope. Each member of the tribe takes turns to hold them up for as long as they can, they need to ensure they do not fall in the water and each member can only have one turn. Gryffindor fail massively at this challenge. Nick does ok I guess...he lasts the longest in his tribe, but the real winner of this game is Craig over at Hufflepuff. He is the Zen master, laughing, making jokes, just being at one with the rope while the others look like they are going through some kind of medieval torture. So impressed! Like I said, Gryffindor aren't great and power through their team faster than they ate their burgers. Unfortunately they lose and are off to tribal council.

Now we have come to the boil popping part of our recap. A nurse has come to visit Kate and her new friend that lives in her armpit.  Look, I'm not great with blood and guts and all that. I faint everytime I have a needle and I will not clean up your vomit... EVER! But it's like 'Game of thrones", you don't want to see the gross parts...but you kinda do. So if you are looking for serious puss and blood, it doesn't happen. I assume it was disgusting. Anthony LaPaglia's Brother's nicely tanned face, looks slightly paler than before it was popped.

Over at Gryffindor, we begin the, "Who will we vote out" game. Also I just noticed, Tegan is a Personal Trainer...she lasted about 4 seconds in that challenge... Never train me... There's lots of talk about, "Connections" and, "Alliances," and,  "I would never write ____'s name down." Don't trust Flick EVER! Don't trust Nick EVER. That's all you need to know and you should be relatively safe-ish... maybe. Oh, also, important note - Nick tells us he is going to, "Lie down and kiss the ring"... I don't know what that means...

So we are at Tribal Council. I mean people act all chummy and like everything is sweet, but really, you are in a secret little hut, you can vote for whoever the hell you want. So why ask the questions about what people are thinking? They are all lying. Except Nick saying he wants revenge on Hufflepuff...we know he is super bitter! FACT! To cut a 5-10 minute story short, here's a summary:

- Kylie played her Immunity Idol.
- It was a tie between Nick and Tegan.
- Tegan was given the boot after a re-vote.

Thats what happens when you are a personal trainer who can't hold a heavy thing longer than 30 seconds.

Tonights episode looks interesting. All the tribes merge into two tribes! I'm sure Nick will love to hang with his Hufflepuff mates again...I need to stop talking about him... I'm even annoying myself!
Have a great day and don't forget to head over to twitter land and check out my live tweets during the show... They can be sometimes funny and almost amusing.

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