Sunday, 18 September 2016

My not so secret shame: Survivor Recap ep. 12

Episode 12. The awesomeness of Phoebe!

I feel as though every episode of this show is getting better and better. Tonight was an absolute corker... God never let me say "corker" again... Ever.

We start our episode in Gryffindor camp. It's really weird...there is this awkward fight about...I think bed space? Basically they were all squishing into a "bed" together, and for some reason Kylie didn't want to move over. I don't get it...it was really random. First of all, you are sleeping on the ground, you don't have a bed. Secondly, just move over man...seriously... The Magician got quite emotional about it and walked off all huffy... He's bit cranky in this ep. You ok buddy? Bit over it? Bit hangry? The morning after the awkward fight thing, Kylie apologies for not moving over... Thrilling... Why did I even need to write a paragraph that big about someone not moving over? I'm kind of disappointed in myself...

Hufflepuff. A much less annoying Hufflepuff now that Andrew has gone. Poor Connor is feeling bit betrayed that Kate went against their stupid 5 alliance, it's stupid because they AREN'T a good 5... except you Craig...love your work man! But I personally love her for it, he needed to go so bad. He was literally the most annoying person I have ever not met. Over to Phoebe, the sneaky rascal. She is well aware she is going to be next at tribal council which, going by their track record, shouldn't be too far away. I love Phoebe, she plays this game so damn well and it makes me like, weirdly excited that she has an Immunity Idol that no one knows about. All I know is, I'm excited to watch this all unfold... The next 5 minutes are spent watching Craig try and find an idol that is in Phoebes possession, unbeknownst to Craig. Unbeknownst is a weird word to look at isn't it? Is it a word? Spell check says no, but I swear it is...

Back over at Crankydor, Hot Sam and Lee are being super manly and show off their fishing skills. They are honestly the best power couple, they seem lovely, they're guns at challenges, they're not unattractive. I *heart* them. Poor Magician is a bit sooky because all the girls are loving having a perve on Lee and he is left out. It's alright man, I still love you! Seriously though, do the Magician thing and do an awesome trick, you'll win them back! Plus, I want to see one.  All the girls are a bit pissy with the Magician now.  They're such a Crankydor today, all of you need a group hug and a big bowl-full of "get over it". Except you Hot Sam, you're not phased by anything. 10 points Sammydor!

The Immunity Challenge. We were on such a good run and then they have to pull this crap on me. How the hell do I explain this one? Let me do this in dot points.

  • The first person flings a coconut through a goal post using a sling shot.
  • One of the other tribe tries to block them
  • Then someone must catch the coconut.
  • They then run over a pool of mud on a plank, while dodging sandbags that the other team are throwing at them...
  • They then need to do like a connect 5 puzzle thing at the end.
  • First to get 5 coconuts in a line win!
I think that actually made sense. Go me! Why do they even bother with challenges anymore? Gryffindor just make it look easy and Hufflepuff just...don't... Obviously, they lose... again. Maybe they should just merge them all together soon and put them out of their misery. I have a question though, so many of the girls do these challenges in their bikinis... I'd be pretty concerned about the ol' boob flashing situation you'd have going on... Does that happen? Or are they magical bikinis?

So this is where it starts getting awesome! Now, Hufflepuff are cranky, but that's fair enough they lose everything! Phoebe's plan is this... Find out who the majority 5 are voting for and go from there. She does this by sucking in the easily sucked in Connor, asking him to tell her if she is being voted out. He has a chat with his little buddies and confirms, yes, you're out. She does the whole, "I'm super sad and am going to sit by the ocean and be sad" thing. Excellent. The group then inform Kristie, "Hey soz, we are voting you're buddy out." She tears up all sad and wanders over to super sad Phoebe. LIES! They are not super sad... They're super happy. The plan is, the majority will all vote for Phoebe, she will pull out the idol and BAM! All their votes are out and Phoebe and Kristie's vote win. Its SUCH a good plan! It makes me all giddy...too giddy I feel sick. I love sneaky shit like that and she does it so well. They are all so sucked in, saying how bad they feel, giving them hugs...it's awesome. Who doesn't love a good ol' betrayal of your entire tribe. Brilliant.

So let's quickly sprint over to tribal council, FYI there were TOO many ad breaks in this bit, I just wanted to see this thing happen and it was painful! But anyway, Phoebe's plan literally went step by step how she wanted it to. The moment Anthony Lapaglia's Brother asked if anyone had an Immunity Idol and she piped up... Amazing. I was sitting there with this really weird, open mouthed, crazy smile the whole time. You literally watched all their faces going this horrible grey colour. So proud...until we saw who you guys voted for. You voted Craig out?!! WHAT THE FUCK!? I mean it was like the most bittersweet moment. It's like someone gave to the best high 5 ever but their hand ricocheted off yours and punched you in the face at the same time. Why Craig?? WHYYY!!! You already lose EVERYTHING and he was your only good member, not to mention he is awesome!!! So happy and disappointed at the same time... So many emotions. He was such an awesome loser as well, so lovely and so accepting of the amazing play Phoebe did. Gahh! Breaks my heart. Next they'll vote out Hot Sam and I might as well just give up on everything. OK, now I'm just being overly dramatic. The point is, that was an awesome episode so please keep it up.

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