Tuesday, 13 September 2016

My not so secret shame: Survivor recap ep. 11

Episode 11: The one where we all really hate Andrew...

Heyyyyy so about yesterday...you may have noticed that there is a recap missing... I do apologise, I had technology problems. You may have also noticed that the blog has had bit of a facelift...hence the technology issues! But I'm back... to make judgments and share my opinions. So I'm sorry, my bad, won't happen again, owe you a coffee, besties forever, call me every 5 minutes...

So quick catch up of Episode 10
- Andrew is a massive knob
- Phoebe, Floppy Hat and Kristie want him gone!
- Gryffindor won everything, Hufflepuff lost everything.
- Hot Sam and Lee are still attractive
- Andrew unfortunately didn't get voted out...
- Floppy Hat was booted! Sad times...

Told you it was quick. So now we are all caught up...

So Andrew's annoying hey? Like, first of all, I know you think you are smart, but saying things like, "Shoot a duck in a barrel" and, "He isn't the sharpest pencil in the pencil case" doesn't do you any favours, and they are extremely irritating and... they're made up sayings. You also don't 'control the game', you aren't the boss, you would be HORRIBLE at marketing, Floppy Hat wouldn't have "cried herself to sleep", pretty sure she left smiling and waving... and I hate your stupid shirt. *exhales* I feel so much better now...

So we wake up in Hufflepuff to Kate doing some weird, 'hitting a pan and making a weird noise and talking in a monotone voice' thing... Hufflepuff are obviously going insane. I think she wants them to do yoga, or its some weird mating call... Oh no wait, it is yoga. Andrew is terrible at it, maybe that's why he is such an asshole... Yoga envy?

Gryffindor peeps are still just being awesome and hanging with chickens. Speaking of chickens, there is a debate of whether or not they kill the chickens, or free them. Nick, who is actually less annoying now that we have been properly introduced to Andrew, is ready for murder, where as The Magician has a special chicken bond going on and is all for Chicken Freedom. I personally couldn't kill them, it's like a pet. I mean, I eat chicken, but killing one is a different story. I don't want to debate about it, I'll leave that to them. So anyway, thumbs up to The Magician and his animal rights. This debate takes up a good chunk of time, but basically they decide to save the chickens. Nick is all suss about The Magician and thinks he is manipulating everyone, nah, I think it's called, "Everyone LIKES him". It's a very foreign concept for you, but I'll explain it one day.

The reward challenge. So Gryffindor start off their challenge by asking to trade their Chickens for something else. They don't really get into it because Anthony LaPaglia's brother basically tells them to shove it and no, no they can't swap their chickens... No... Shut down Gryffindor. Awkward... They are then just stuck their holding the chickens. What are they going to do with them during the reward challenge? They didn't bring a cage or anything? They are literally holding them! The chickens can't compete as members of the tribe, they are chickens. This is never answered unfortunately. So this challenge has all tribe members are tied together and given a 20kg weight. They are all tied to a rope and the object of the game is to catch the other tribe, it's like in a circle thing. If a tribe member drops out, they must give their weight to another person. Does that make sense? I'm terrible at explaining these. I guess all you need to know is that Hufflepuff have basically no physical people left so Gryffindor will probably beat them, I say probably, I mean obviously. They all run around in circles for awhile. Andrew really contributes by not running or putting any effort in what so ever. The magician drops out early, I think he was planning on controlling the game with his mind from the sidelines. Andrew and Sue drop off early, people fall over A LOT, and it quickly comes down to the super power house team of Hot Sam and Lee competing for Gryffindor. Look, they are pretty amazing, they have about 400kg of weights on them (thats an exaggeration) and they storm through the water. The reward is a massive feast of chocolate, so I understand the motivation to win. At one point Hot Sam is charging through the water so fast that Lee gets caught by the ropes and face plants, but Hot Sam still charges on. They quickly catch Hufflepuff and win the game and the amazing feast of chocolate. Any man that can provide you with that much chocolate is a clear legend in my eyes.

The chocolate feast is pretty amazing... I'm actually super pissed off I have no chocolate in my house. Anyway, the feast looks amazing, the chocolate milk on a tropical island might make you feel slightly ill. Seriously, why don't I have chocolate in my house? Hot Sam becomes chocolate drunk, which makes me love him more but chocolate drunkness is the best drunkness. Where did they get chocolate cupcakes on a freakin tropical island with a population of 4? Does it really matter? No... the point is... I really want chocolate... And there's none in my house!

Lets talk about Hufflepuff for a second. So they have this 5 person majority alliance going on. This involves Sue, Craig, Kate, Connor and Andrew - Lord of the World. Their plan is to just vote everyone else off one by one, the thing is though... Craig is the only good one out of you. Kate is ok, but when it comes to winning...anything...you guys aren't really that strong. So voting out the physically stronger members of your tribe is beyond stupid! You guys will get down to your precious 5 and then what? Gryffindor will crush you... Like BEYOND crush you. So you need to not do what your doing. The good thing is that Kate and Craig are starting to see sense. Phoebe and Kristie join forces with Kate on their mutual hate of Andrew, they want to break up this stupid five some and get rid of Andrew, but they need someone else from the 5. I'm looking at you Craig... I'm looking at you! *Insert wide eyed Emjoi*

Immunity Challenge. This one is fairly easy to describe. One man and one woman from each tribe must hold a rope, which is connected to a basket. The other tribe throw coconuts into the baskets, weighing it down coconut by coconut. The people holding the ropes, need to hold on for dear life as the basket gets heavier. If you drop the basket you're out, last person standing wins. Easy? Easy. So we have Hot Sam and Flick for Gryffindor and Zen Master Craig and Sue for Hufflepuff. Gryffindor fill Craig's basket so damn fast and he is in struggle town. But this is 'Zen Master' Craig, so he holds on for a good while but unfortunately... lots of coconuts + sore handsies = Craig Out! The next victim is Hot Sam whose basket is filled slowly, no help from Andrew, who couldn't throw to save his life, but eventually, it is filled and he too, is out. So Flick and Sue are left, Sue gives it a red hot go but ultimately she too is outskies. Not without amazing encouragement from Craig. I love their friendship, it makes my heart warm and fuzzy. Flick won, I think because no one really put any coconuts in her basket. Hufflepuffs...so silly! So Hufflepuff lose AGAIN... And they are off to tribal council... AGAIN.

So Hufflepuff... Remember the whole thing about you losing every challenge and its kind of a bummer? I wonder why? Hmmm...what could it be? Maybe you have shit people who needs to go...*cough*i'mtalkingaboutandrew*cough*. Phoebe, Kristie and Kate are in full recruitment mode to get rid of Andrew, please God get rid of him. He is stomping around camp, looking all evil and dodgy. He says lots of weird analogy things that don't make sense, but he thinks Kristie is the next to go. Why?... Because he ordered it. Please...shut up. If you guys don't vote him out, I will pull my eyeballs out and throw them at the TV. I will! I WILL!!! Craig is looking like he is close to falling on the "Andrew OUT" bandwagon, but he said that last time so who knows really?

Tribal Council is ON like Donkey Kong. Andrew says things that are annoying, I don't really listen because the tap is dripping and it seems way more interesting. He does seem super confident though, so a blindside here would be beautiful. So off they go, in their secret little booth and vote. It's super intense, the music alone gives you an anxiety attack. The votes come in Kristie, Andrew, Kristie, Andrew, Kristie, Andrew...last one... I vomit bit in my mouth...Andrew! *Cue crazy tribal dance of joy around the fire* See ya later! Bye! Nice knowing you! Get out! Security! Him! That dodgy one! OUT! So happy! So so happy and whats even better is, he had no freakin' idea and it was amazing! I feel so fulfilled and content with the world and I WILL celebrate with chocolate and it WILL be amazing.

So lets have a quick check in. Who do we think will win? Right now, I have narrowed it down to Hot Sam, Lee, The Magician, Craig and Phoebe, so I haven't really narrowed it down, it's more of a  broad selection. What do you guys think? Let me know on my socials and all give us a follow! If you do I'll give you a high 5... virtually. I'm busy and don't know where you live, so real life ones aren't possible right now.

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