Sunday, 11 September 2016

My not so secret shame: Survivor Recap ep.9

Episode 9: Floppy Hat's revenge!

Imagine someone took a nice peaceful island, put a whole bunch of Australians in it, made them do lots of crazy games that are hard to explain and all of a sudden got a massive bag of anxiety and sprinkled it everywhere... That was tonight's episode.

We start at Hufflepuff. The tribe is now split between the 5 original Hufflepuffs (Craig, Sue, Andrew/Stanford, Kate and Connor) and the Slytherin 4 (Phoebe, Rohan, Floppy Hat and Kristie). Obviously the originals are quietly smug over their one up on the newbies. Craig finally reveals to us the sneaky note he found in the napkin, a clue to an immunity idol. Why are they so bloody cryptic? I mean if I found one I'd be like, "Honestly I can't be bothered, I've only eaten bloody rice so I have the brain capacity of a sea snail".

Over at Gryffindor, newbie Jenna Louise is quietly shitting herself because she is completely out numbered as the only Hufflepuff member to make it to the cool team. I would be too...

Back at Hufflepuff, Kristie is really starting to freak me out. She is like, trying to fit in with Kate but its way over the top and it's so fake it hurts my teeth! You can see Floppy hat's brain working away, now that she has the ability to join forces with the majority, considering Phoebe and Rohan have openly threatened to vote her out about 47 times. I'd be kind of bitter too... She basically jumped team about 2.5 seconds after settling in her new what we can see is that Phoebe and Rohan are screwed...big time... Although that doesn't stop them trying to figure out some way to unscrew themselves.

At Gryffindor, they read the mail over their daily rice in leaf cup, how often can you say you do that!? The reward challenge is up and the winning tribe get pampered. That means showers, toothbrushes, all the good smelling stuff... so basically what we know is, that they would be stinking something awful at this point.

The reward challenge: Anthony LaPaglia's brother does the awkward, question and answer thing before the challenge starts. Poor Connor. He keeps looking over at Gryffindor like a sad puppy. He was a Gryffindor, he belongs in that house... It's ok buddy, you are a Gryffindor in my mind! So...basically...this challenge involves mud. Lots and lots of mud. What they need to do is jump in a massive pool of mud and put as much of that mud on themselves as they can, then scrape it off into a barrel. First team to fill the big tub of mud, wins the pampering sesh, as well as some cheese and wine to make it all fancy. God you would want to win this challenge because if not, you would be scraping mud out of your ass crack for the next 5 weeks...seriously it gets everywhere. I think Nick loves it because it gives him a chance to feel up all the girls as he, "Scrapes mud off them"...he does get to do it to Lee and Hot Sam though gotta be bit jealous there! It's like visually such a bizarre challenge to watch. I don't know who is who, there's just lots of mud...and boobs...and legs flopping around...and boobs. It looks fun - not the boob part, the flopping in mud part... And the music is kinda funky for a minute. Wait a sec, would it stink? I don't want to know. Anyway, Gryffindor win!! Soz Hufflepuff...looks like its scraping off mud in the ocean for you guys...

Gryffindor have their showers and de-fuzzing session, god it would feel good after that long. Imagine how your teeth would feel having not brushed them for 20 days?! Disgusting... They would be all furry... they would probably be talking to you... imagine that?... Off topic Amy. The cheese looks nice, theres not much, whoever organised the platter was bit stingy but hey, cheese is cheese! There's a sneaky meeting of the Gryffindor outsiders, Kylie and Jenna Louise. I thought they'd find each other. There could be a potential overhaul there if their plans comes to fruition...or they could just get voted out. That's really the only two options. So we shall see...

Back at Stinkypuff... They are bathing in the ocean, probably for about 5 hours. Rohan...oh have quite a big mouth don't you? He thinks he is manipulating people, but he isn't, it just isn't happening for you buddy. Rohan does that thing where he talks about Floppy Hat, when she is 3 metres away from him. Rohan, shut shut your mouth...shut your mouth! Stanford informs us that, basically everyone who works in marketing is a liar and a cheater...pretty sure my Dad wouldn't be happy to hear that...then he says something about, "Shooting a duck in a barrel". Can you do that? Surely PETA would have something to say. Craig is on a sneaky adventure to find his immunity idol, it's not that sneaky though, because he brings the whole tribe with him. God Hufflepuff, you do it to yourselves.

There is a big storm and both tribes looks really sad. The Magician all of a sudden becomes VERY Australian, "All me shits wet." And the peeps over at Hufflepuff have a big cuddle session... Cute.

The Immunity challenge. This one is actually so easy to explain. They play the water! Woo!! That took about 4 seconds to write! First team to get 3 baskets win. Easy, simple! I appreciate that. This was actually a really intense game to watch, they pretty much all beat the absolute shit out of each other... Like, for realsy! It got nasty, people were giving each other wedgies, there was grabbing, pulling, Hot Sam and Craig man-hugged it out for about 10 minutes like they were in some kind of weird water basketball trance. It was a super close game but it was The Magician who won it for Gryffindor in the end. Apparently, I learnt this from Anthony Lapaglia's Brothers' Twitter, the game actually went for over an hour! I'm glad it went for 5 minutes in TV land because my anxiety levels were slightly on the high end. Also before we move on, The Magician needs to magic himself some have some serious milky white skin going on and the sun is going to love to lobster the shit out of it!

So Hufflepuff...back on the chopping block and shit is getting reeeeaalllllll... So much plotting, tension, anxiety, whispering, lying, bad lying and Rohan being an idiot. Seriously dude, SHUT YOUR MOUTH! The original Hufflepuff's are basically united in voting as a team, they are a strong unit, and they know it. Rohan and Phoebe are wetting their pants because they know it going to be them that's leaving, unless they can join forces with the two people who they have backstabbed, lied to, bullied and threatened to vote out multiple times. Enter Floppy Hat and Kristie. It's your time girlfriends... Oh, but wait, remember Rohan has the immunity idol, it's ok, he has basically told half the island that he has it, so its hard to forget. So will he play it, or will he give it to Phoebe as promised? I know I'm kinda brushing over it but seriously... Anxiety...

Tribal Council time. Don't they all look so glowy and mysterious in the glow of the fire? Now this was an intense one, or as the Italians like to say, "Intenso". Even the music sounded like something you would hear in a battle scene in Transylvania, coz it's spooky and I'm assuming there would be a battle with Vampires there, so the music... I don't know man... So they have their chats where the majority team in Hufflepuff, (the originals) basically say, we have the numbers and you guys are screwed. There is a scramble till the very end, with Phoebe frantically trying to get Floppy Hat and Kristie on board. So they's like, crazy intense, what will happen?? Who is going??? ARGH! Anthony Lapaglia's Brother gets the votes ready to count and BOOM... Phoebe pulls out the immunity idol. Good bloody thing you did girlfriend because you scored yourself 5 votes to get your butt out of there. All of which were not counted. So its between Rohan, Sue and Kat... Who is going to go? Who is it? Who is it!? Then Floppy Hat swoops in with the final vote... Rohan...You and your big mouth are OUT! Phoebe is so PISSED. Floppy Hat... You win this round.

DRAMA! Love it!! Argh this was such a good episode. I feel emotionally exhausted... And hungry.
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