Sunday, 4 September 2016

My not so secret shame: Survivor Recap ep.6

Survivor Episode 6: The one where everything seems tot take a really long time...

So, we have discussed the crab situation before. Why do they show so many crabs? Like, one is fine, but its all the time. So I'm going to be doing a crab tally tonight! Just for those playing at home...this is what my life has become...help me...

We start off strong with a crab encounter. Crab count: 1. Let's begin where we left off. Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tribes have had a swapsies. Hufflepuff gained Hot Sam and Conner, Gryffindor "gained" Nick and Tegan. I don't know whats worse, going from Gryffindor to Hufflepuff or getting Nick...Hufflepuff are quite pleased with themselves though. They lost a dud and gained an awesome tribe member. Nick isn't bitter at all...and by that I mean...he is very bitter. I feel bad for the Magician, he is now stuck with Flick AND Nick...use your smoke bombs and disappear while you can!

Over at Slytherin camp, it was absolutely pissing down with rain, but that didn't bother Lee - such a happy chappy! He deserves a spot on Gryffindor, he is too nice to be a Slytherin. But they all seem to be having a great time, fishing, sun baking, just being beach bums...I'm jealous...

Back at Hufflepuff, they are now all quite open to the fact that no one likes Nick. Its not enough that he isn't in their tribe anymore, they want him out all together. But they are quite happy with their Hot Sam addition...as you would be. Maybe he can teach them how to light a fire...in less than 3 weeks. Hot Sam isn't as enthusiastic about the whole situation. Don't blame you dude. Crab sighting!! Crab count: 2.

At Gryffindor, Flick is happy because she was nearly literally, given the flick...it was a close one. She now gets to try and manipulate the new members into thinking they are in an alliance with her...until she stuffs it up again.Won't take long. The magician sits there very still, almost trying to turn himself into stone...Nick babbles on about...whatever it was...but we learn that even his best buddy, Tegan, doesn't trust him. You are literally annoying EVERYONE!

Phoebe and Kristie have turned their experience on Survivor into a yoga retreat and then it's all about the bloody crabs. Theres about 45 of them scuttling around. So, crab count: 47. Kristin discusses her need for a bestie on the island and is thinking about going with Phoebe. Yeah you could do that...Phoebe is basically playing everyone so I'm sure she will love to include you in her web. I really think Phoebe will make it down to the finals, she is playing so well!! It's like the one time you can actually be impressed with lying and manipulation and you aren't seen as some kind of massive freak.

Nick wears an awesome hat over at Gryffindor. It's some kind of cowboy-esky thing, unfortunately it does not have the ability to mute your voice. Nick clings on to the Magician, life seems to be getting worse for you there buddy...You have my sympathy.

At Hufflepuff, Craig reads the clouds and Barry bashes things with a big knife. Connor is trying to make the best of the whole moving tribe situation, even though he knows he doesn't really bring much to the tribe compared to his mate Hot Sam. You can only hope that this Immunity challenge goes your way...hopefully it's got nothing to do with fire...

The Immunity Challenge. Slytherin discovers that no tribe members were voted out on the other teams, they actually did a switcharoo. Nick does his best to not look bitter, and fails. Hufflepuff all look like kids who put gum on the teachers chair and are waiting for them to sit down. You know...that guilty, smirk/giggle... Kids. The challenge today involves, two tribe members grabbing a bag of sticks from a platform out in the water. They must then tie all the sticks together and make a really, really long stick and try and grab a key which is hung up on a hook. Stay with me... The key unlocks a gate that they all run through and then they must start a fire big enough to burn a piece of string, which is hung over the fire, which then unlocks a flag and BOOM you win. OK, so to summarise, Hufflepuff you are stuffed. Gryffindor do an awesome job building a giant stick and manage to get their key, open their gate and start their fire, all while the other tribes are stick making their stick. Go Go Gryffindor! Hot Sam watches his new team mates try to get the key, I'm sure thinking about all the potential ways he could poison himself and be taken out of this hellhole. Hufflepuff eventually get to the fire making part, we all know how this goes. Basically, their fire is crap and the lead they had over Slytherin disappears faster than Donald Trumps hair piece on a windy day. They lose, is what I'm saying. Gryffindor won about 4 hours ago. After that, between watching Slytherin try and get their key and Hufflepuff start a fire, it was basically like watching paint dry. I'm bored even writing this. Slytherin obviously beat Hufflepuff, Lee using sheer determination to start a roaring fire, as opposed to Hufflepuffs little sparkler they have going on. So obviously, Hufflepuff are going to tribal council... Hot Sam's wondering if he is allowed to vote for himself.

Hufflepuff start their, "Who are we voting out," campaign. You know the deal: "Whisper whisper, this person, that person...they suck, they're annoying, alliance alliance." Thats basically what happened. As a newly joined tribe member, Connor's spot isn't looking too permanent, which he is well aware of. They would be stupid to vote of Hot Sam, but it is Hufflepuff, so who knows. Connor basically pleads to the tribe to let him stay, it's kind of sweet and seems to pull on their heart strings. Well played. Andrew, aka, Stanford from Sex and the City, tries to organise a, "Lets all vote out Craig" situation. Very random, doesn't seem to be too successful, but who knows what will happen at Tribal Council...

Speaking of Tribal Council...we are here now. I feel as though they are all talking for about, I'd say a good 46 hours. Everything in this episode seems to be taking forever and to be honest, I zoned out for most of the conversation. You didn't miss much, I promise. Anyway they all vote and poor Barry is voted out. That makes me sad because he seemed like such a genuine dude! But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

FYI- Crab Count: 54 THOUSAND... Next week can you show a whale or something?

There you go. Honestly not a very exciting episode... I felt like bit of a Debbie Downer in this recap. You know, a Negative Nancy? A Bitchy Betty, you follow. Sorry about that. I'll maybe eat something before I do the next one. Speaking of the next one, that's tonight. So I'm going to go rest my typing fingers and let them meditate before their next recapping session. Fingers get stressed...
See you guys soon...well not literally, I only stalking SOME of you...

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