Wednesday, 31 August 2016

My not so secret shame: Survivor Recap Ep. 5

Episode 5: The one where shit gets real!

I don't even know how the hell I'm going to properly communicate this episode. So prepare yourself for lots of long paragraphs and ranting. Ok lets do this...

The episode starts off with another crab shot, very important. Nick is on a secret mission to find the immunity idol. He is all motivated and the music and inspirational speech leads you to believe, this is it, he is going to find it... No he doesn't, of course he doesn't, he is from bloody Hufflepuff! *Face palm*

Over at Gryffindor (Blue), Kylie is also on her secret immunity idol hunt, she is super desperate because the young dudes aren't her besties and her time is limited. She digs through what looks like a giant dinosaur poo and BOOM...idol. Well done girlfriend. She then hides it in her hat...super stealthy, it doesn't make your hat look awkward at all...

The Slytherin team (Red) feel kinda awkward because they all did the dirty on Floppy Hat, they like, basically said to her face, "We are going to vote you out," and then they didn't vote because Pete now Floppy Hat is pissed off and they are all really awkwardly apologetic... Like how do you come back from that? Floppy hat cries and the girls try and comfort her, but if that were me I'd be like all snapping my fingers and shouting "OH NO YOU DON'T". I'm kinda confused because I thought they were all going to vote out Rohan...but then it's Floppy Hat? I don't get it... I must have missed something... If only I could find a recap somewhere on the last episode...

Back at Gryffindor, Flick is weaving her alliance plans with the Magician...then with Connor...then Brooke...planning to kick out Connor...then the Magician. She says she doesn't like the Magician because he could "just flip" and do a dodgy on them...says the girl who is doing a "flip" on everyone in her tribe. Big mouths get you in trouble my friend. The Magician and Hot Sam seem to have a solid alliance going on, I would with Hot Sam and the Magician too... One is Hot Sam and the other can turn my shoes into a swan!

At the reward challenge, Hufflepuff have to bring all of the rewards they have won so far and hand them over in return getting a new flint. Which they do. It's kind of funny, because the team that wins the reward challenge gets all there stuff *teehee* How pissed would you be?! Anthony LaPaglia's brother then tells everyone that Pete thought the game was too hard for him and quit. Pretty sure he had a serious illness and hadn't eaten in nearly two weeks, but sure,  I'm sure you're slumming it with your clean clothes and catering provided for you...all day...everyday... What was your man made hut like? The reward for this challenge is a chicken coop with a whole bunch of egg laying chickens. The challenge is they must barricade the other teams stick box(?) and then once they have done that, they need to undo their own stick box, which the other team messed up...are you with me?

Once they have cleaned their box up, they need to drag their chicken in a cage through it and they win! Really hard to explain... Gryffindor dominate in this challenge. Hufflepuff...not so much. They actually lose this one...say bye bye to all your stuff. Whose stupid idea was it to give up all your rewards? I'm going to say it was Nick's. We see a nice shot of Craig's butt crack for about 20 seconds. But anyway Gryffindor win! Woot woot!

Gryffindor are super chuffed to have won all Hufflepuff's stuff. We then learn about the love story of The Magician and Chester the Chicken. Its sweet... The magician has his own little pet chicken. Which makes me love him more. Men and animals - Yes! I, myself, am bloody terrified of chickens... childhood trauma... long story...

Hufflepuff have fire! Again! What did you do to your last flint by the way? Actually don't...I don't want to know... They then eat some snails... Hufflepuff everyone.

They all receive mail and find out that TWO tribes will be going to Tribal Council. This is the beginning of the shit getting real in this episode.

The Immunity Challenge. Guess what?! Theres no freakin' puzzle! Slytherin will be happy! They have basically no tribe members anymore, so they don't want to lose this one. They must complete an obstacle course, dragging a wagon of coconuts around with them, then use the coconuts in a sling shot to knock over a whole bunch of tribal looking gong heads. How ridiculous do all these challenges sound when I type them out? But they are real... I'm not on drugs! Lee kicks ass in the coconut throwing department! He must have years of coconut slinging experience that we aren't aware of. Hot Sam and The Magician are also using their coconut skills well for Gryffindor, kind of disappointed the Magician didn't use his wand...wait that's a wizard...maybe he didn't get his invitation to Hogwarts...thats awkward... and sad. I didn't get one either. Anyway its close between Slytherin and Gryffindor for bit, but Slytherin win in the end. Hufflepuff were never going to win this one. So it's Gryffindor and Hufflepuff on the chopping block.

In the Hufflepuff camp, Barry tells everyone he won't be making an alliance with anyone and will basically be the lone wolf of the pack. Good on you, I wouldn't want to make an alliance with anyone on Hufflepuff either...maybe Sue. Nick then starts talking, way too much for my liking, playing, "games" with people, thinking he is, "manipulating" everyone but really he is, "pissing everyone off"(including me). Mate, you can't lie! At all. You are stuffing up all your plans by being a terrible liar. BAHH so annoying!!

Back at Gryffindor there's a lot of whispering going on. The young dudes know they won't be able to vote Kylie off because she has the idol, so the poor Magician is up. If he gets voted off I'll be pissed. He hasn't even done any tricks...oh no wait the boys have dobbed Flick in for saying she wants to vote him off. But Flick has told Matt she wants to vote Connor off. She also promised an alliance to every individual person... Oooh Flick, you and your big mouth. Made so many promises and played so many games. But no longer. Connor confronts her about lying to everyone and she says "100% no" about 400 times. Connor also says she threatened to, "throw Brooke under a bus", in front of Brooke, which she also denies. She did say that. We all saw it...  Flick you are in trouuuuble...

Ok so we get to tribal council. Hufflepuff talk about how amazing life is back at camp... I mean Nick does. Everyone looks as bored and drained with his voice as we all are. At least they all have that in common. Gryffindor is kinda...tense...Flick says some bullshit about how they are all a family and are all, "one big happy family". Thats the start of the awkwardness. It's so fake hurts my teeth. Kylie shows off the immunity idol, flashing it around her neck. The Magician isn't impressed. He thinks it's a stupid play to show in front of another tribe and is pretty sure she is bluffing. Kylie doesn't seem phased. Flick opens her mouth about the possibility of going home and all hell breaks loose. I'm going to make this next part a dot point kinda make it easier:

- Flick plays the pity party and says Connor told her she will be going home tonight.
- Flick dobs Connor in and said he told her all this stuff the Magician had said, she says its a lie.
- The Magician is pissed at Connor because he thinks HE lied.
- Connor speaks up, he thinks he is right and Flick is wrong.
- Connor continues to dob Flick in about lying to everyone.
- She denies this.
- Hot Sam sits their happily just being Hot Sam.
- Hufflepuff sit their watching the crazies have a little fight, it's so awkward. It's like when you are hanging out with a couple and they start fighting and you wish you could just melt into the wall and disappear.
- Back and forth and back and forth...
See what I mean about this being complicated to write? I'm exhausted already.

So they vote. They then find out that they will not being voting a person out, they will be voting for a person to swap to the other tribe. WHAAAT!!! Scandal!! Hufflepuff give Nick the boot and he is so pissssssssed. It's quite funny. He does NOT handle that well. On Gryffindor it's a tie between Flick and Connor, so much must vote again. Wouldn't they just vote for the same person and it'll be a tie again? Guess what, it's a tie again. Woah didn't see that coming. Now they must decide as a group who will go OR they will need to vote one of the others out. Are you with me? Anyway they all decide Connor is leaving. All done? NO! Once they switcharoo the next bombshell. They can bring a friend with them. Nick brings Tegan, Connor brings Hot Sam. I feel so bad the Magician is now stuck with bloody Nick and Flick. Haha their names rhyme, I'm sure they will be best friends. Hufflepuff however, just became cooler and I kind of don't want to call them Hufflepuff anymore because they have Hot Sam...but I will. Kylie will be pleased, that young dude alliance is well and truly dead and she can make buddies with the newbies.

Interesting games you are playing here Mr Survivor! I like it... I really hope all of that made sense. That was a real bitch to write out. That was literally a treadmill on speed for my fingers.

Survivor is back on Sunday, so my blog will be filled with something OTHER than Survivor for the rest of the week. I hope you guys are enjoying the recaps and be sure to follow me on social media for more! I'm going to go ice my hands now...

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