Monday, 22 August 2016

My not so secret shame: Survivor Recap Ep. 2

Episode 2: The case of Kristie's missing bag... and Peter wears red pants...

We jump right in where we left off, Des has just been voted out (by everyone) and the Slytherin team have just returned back to camp. They are all trying to do the right thing and pretend they are sad that Des left - but lets be honest, they aren't... and thats cool, I get that, he was bit of a knob. Can we just take a moment here to say how nice Lee is!? Don't you think he would just be the nicest guy in the world? Like I would love to just give him a high 5 for being an awesome dude! Just had to share that moment of appreciation there. Lets move on. Kristie's bag has gone missing and she has all of sudden become paranoid there is a conspiracy against her. Because they would want her bag... on a deserted island... with nothing of any importance in it... you know? Like why wouldn't you want a useless bag?

Over to Gryffindor, they are all still super positive and pumped up like they have just won the first Quidditch match of the season... ok enough Harry Potter... So, the Private Investigator... someone had to burst the bubble didn't they? Someone HAD to ruin Gryffindors happy vibe. Good one Bianca. She uses her super dooper investigation skills to observe that there is an alliance between the 4 youngest members of the tribe, it's kind of obvious and she's not happy. They must be broken up. Are you not happy because you see them as a threat or because you don't really have any buddies in the tribe? I'm sure you'll say the first one, but we all kind of know its the second.

Back to Slytherin and the paranoia of the missing bag. Get over it Kristie, no one wants your stuff. She goes on a little rant saying they all think she is dumb and they are out to get her. No love, you just put your bag in a stupid spot and are little cuckoo. Then she cries. Sad music. We find out she is literally obsessed with survivor - calm down Kristie. You're on the damn show, just enjoy it.

How are you guys going over there in Hufflepuff land? Well they slept on the sand and have no fire. So pretty much the same. It's cool though, because Craig made a circle out of rocks, very important. Sets up the whole feng shui. Nick licks some leaves and uses about 45 analogies to explain his thought process. It doesn't make any sense. They all decide that a group effort is needed to make fire. They get the hint of flames and they all furiously blow on it. Think of a candle, when you blow on it what happens? It goes out. So maybe if the whole freakin' tribe blows on a small flame what might happen? Think about it... yeah the fire went out. Nick then calls Survivor a bitch, I don't think she will appreciate your attitude Nick.

Slytherin house. Lets talks about Evan for a sec... he is actually really annoying. Apparently he is an art teacher AND he can act... but don't tell anyone. He then shows us how he can 'act' a whole range of emotions like sympathy and sensitivity. Oh, he can also act like a bogan. *Insert unimpressed face* He obviously has a man crush on Lee and is super enthusiastic about being in an alliance with him. Lee isn't so keen, but bless his heart, he humours him.

Hufflepuff still have no fire. You tried one time??? After talking about positivity and bad vibes for bit, they finally light one. Congratulations, it only took you 4 weeks. Survivor is over by the way...

Kylie from Gryffindor shows off her muscles, being a firefighter she is pretty bad ass! The girls don't like her... girls are so bitchy. As a girl, I can say that... we are. I annoy myself. How adorable is Peter! So adorable! He is struggling and not quite sure if he should be there anymore. Please stay, I just want to hug you and have tea at your house.

The immunity challenge is on like Donkey Kong. Anthony LaPaglia's brother is there, showing off his super clean clothes and awesome tan. I bet he didn't eat rice and bananas for dinner. Evan makes another joke about fire, I'd prefer not to talk about it. The challenge includes turning two members of each tribe into sacrificial lambs. Don't worry there's no fire and crazy dancing. The remaining tribe members have to basically carry them through an obstacle course and once they reach the end the lambs have to throw sand bags are some bottles and knock them down. You think the lambs have the easy job? No! You are being thrown around, frantically by really hungry tribe members who don't care if they hurt you. I ain't putting my hand up for that shit. It looks really painful and the rope burn... ooooh the rope burn would hurt.

Hufflepuff fans would be pleased to know they actually aren't that crap and are in for a chance to win.

Gryffindor throw Brooke through the course like she is a sack of potatoes, even throwing her on the ground once they reach the end. Kinda funny... I don't know how her bikini top stayed on!

Slytherin decide to carry the heaviest person in their tribe, Lee. Because a professional athlete with muscles like a tree trunk wouldn't be heavy? After they drag his body through, like ants dragging a really large carrot (I'm assuming ants would find that hard to carry), you actually see their reasoning behind this stupid call. Lee is an ex-cricketer and has awesome sandbag throwing abilities. So they go from last place, to kick ass mode. Which is good because they don't want to lose another tribe member. Hufflepuff however, come in for the win. They may be a little bit unco but they are kicking butt at the challenges. Unfortunately Gryffindor, you guys are on the chopping block this time. No points to Gryffindor.

Now for the bitching, back stabbing, alliance planning stuff in the Gryffindor camp. Connor does the whole, "It was my fault, I take full responsibility" card but really we know he is like, "Don't vote for me please god don't do it!!!" Poor Peter clearly doesn't want to be there and is basically saying, "Vote me out, I don't want to be here". Hi Hot Sam... haven't seen you much this episode. Bianca is in full Private Investigator mode, trying to break up alliances but I don't think anyone really cares what she has to say. At least she is having fun. Connor obviously loves Flick, he follows her around with eyes the size of really large pizzas. The magician still hasn't done anything super cool, like tame dragons or turn a tribe member into a rabbit. But I have hope... They all have a big sneaky chat and decide to vote Peter out, which is sad because he is adorable, but they feel he is the weak link in the tribe.

Tribal Council... The cosy flames are there, I'm sure the mosquitos are having a partayyyy. Anthony LaPaglia's brother tells them he wasn't expecting them to be there. It's like a parent saying they are really "disappointed" with you. Brooke is wearing a cool safari hat, maybe she thinks it'll help her fight off votes like they are lions. Not that a safari hat would help you with a lion... they aren't scared of hats. Pete mentions he isn't well and doesn't want to eat, another hint at the whole, "Get me out of this hell hole", vibe he has going on. Connor blames himself again for them being there, but he isn't really, even Anthony LaPaglia's bother isn't convinced, you'll never be an actor Connor. Bianca shows her dislike of the friendship between the girls, they clearly don't care. I told you girls can be bitchy.

So after the big group chat they had in camp, we are pretty sure good ol' Pete is going. But thats not what happened. You know that alliance Bianca was going on about? Well yeah it exists and Bianca was given the boot. They really sucked you in there Bianca. As a private investigator you really should have seen that coming, I don't think I will be hiring you for any future sneakiness I may need. Well played young people alliance, you did well. Peter and his bright red pants doesn't seem to thrilled, like at all. He wants to go, seriously.... Save Peter! I'll make some t-shirts up tomorrow.

Another episode recapped, another blog post posted. Woo! If Survivor were a blog, I'd be in Gryffindor! I hope you are all enjoying these recaps. They certainly give my fingers a work out, by the end I'll have Michelle Bridges hands! If you are interested in more, be sure to check out my Twitter for a live Tweetathon during the show, or just random thoughts from me throughout the day. I'll leave all the links for other places you'll see me, floating around below.

Peace Out Survivorinos!... I won't call you that again I promise...

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